It's nothing from the life you lead...

And, it's time for my post about the Dashboard concert on Wednesday. This will be one of those posts that come across really... ummm... disfluent, I guess. See, I want to do this evening justice, but, for me, it was so much more than just a concert. It was SO much more than an evening out, enjoying some live music. Whether or not I'll be able to verbalize that... any one's guess.

I need to start out by making it clear that Dashboard Confessional is my favorite band of all time. Maybe that has something to do with why my evening has stuck with me the way it has. I just love his lyrics, his outlook, his driving, aggressive guitar playing & singing.

Back about three years ago, we went to a Dashboard concert at Stubb's Barbecue down in Austin. It was so, so fantastic. I like the small, intimate venues. It was there that we got our first taste of the interactive nature of live Dashboard shows. I mean, everyone, EVERYONE sings along. Loudly. We sang along, but we maintained our cool, calm composure. We're adults, after all. Parents. It was still an incredibly good time.

This time, though... this time was a little different. Again, it was at a small(ish) venue, The Palladium Ballroom, in Dallas. It was general admission, so you could choose to brave the crowds & make your way to the front... if you're crazy enough. But, see... I AM crazy enough because I have a passion, now. I was able to bring my camera, so we're essentially combining two of my favorite things here... photography & Chris Carrabba. The room was large enough that I wasn't going to get a decent shot unless I forced my way through the sea of people that flooded the lowest level of the venue. These people... now these people are CRAZY! These are the people that have been camped at the venue all day to ensure a good place to stand. These are the college kids that skipped class to be there. Too bad Curt couldn't skip out on teaching that day, eh? Too bad we couldn't ditch our kids on someone for the day to ensure a good plot o' floor for the show, right? See where I'm going with this? From the get-go, I felt old. I felt pretty out of place standing in line waiting to get in. Honestly, I'm thinking to myself, "Is there any way this unnaturally tan 18 year old donning a low cut mini dress & bleach blonde hair is old enough to BE a fan? And, who let her out of the house dressed like that? Sheesh.

I just... I don't know. My hay day has passed, that's for sure. I'm standing in line just wondering if it's obvious to EVERYone around us that I'm a mom? That I work at a preschool in my daughter's class two days a week? That I'm pushing 30? That MY days are filled with worries like budgets & medical insurance & flat tires and duties like packing lunches & cleaning toilets & wiping snotty noses? This is my life, and I love it (as glamorous as it all sounds :-)), but what, WHAT am I doing in this line? Who am I kidding? It's like a wave of self consciousness & self doubt wash over me. It's like one of these things is not like the other... one of these things just doesn't belong...

Once we're inside, we just kill time chatting at the back of the venue... chatting through John Ralston because, frankly, he's a little too crude for me. I spent much of Augustana's set in the line for the bathroom. During the last couple songs of their set, though, we decided we'd better start making our way to the front because the floor would only become more packed when Chris Carrabba took the stage. It was like no crowd I've ever tried to navigate before. Seriously. It's like you'd get a few feet in, then you would just be stalled... no where to go. NO where. Not even back. Your arms are plastered to your sides, you can't move your feet even an inch. But, with a little maneuvering, I found myself along the front railing & to the left of center stage. Curt was a couple people behind me, and Cara was behind him. I think we all had a little breathing room, which is good. (Well, maybe not Cara. I think she ended up having to throw some 'bows! Haha!)

Honestly, I just intended to take a few pictures, make sure I got a good one, and then back outta there. Retreat to the back of the venue, you know? But, the show got going, and it was just too good. As is the way with Dashboard, the crowd started signing along, which Chris Carrabba embraces. I'd take a few shots, sing along, whatever. There were some really good moments in there. Seriously. To be standing behind my camera, looking through the lens, all while sharing this moment with the hundreds of fans singing around me... really, really a perfect moment for me. I was doing the thing that I love, MY creative outlet, while enjoying someone else's art. It was a beautiful union for me. It sounds stupid & lame, but I'm telling you... I get really reflective & wistful when photography is involved.

And, I found myself being overcome with the crowd, with the moment. Doing what I love & feeling as though I'm accomplishing something, creating something, composing something... it gave me a freedom that I'm not used to as an "adult." It's like, all that defines me & binds me into adulthood, maturity, parenthood was undone. With each new song, I found that a different cloak, whether it be worry, self-consciousness, expectations, etc., had been shed. By the end of it all, I'd become as undignified as the next guy, singing the songs back to the stage, moving almost in a unified motion with the crowd... letting my proverbial hair down. Do you know how long it's been since I've done that? Do you know how good it felt? How young I felt? How liberating it was? Turns out, I'm no different than little miss 18 year old (aside from the mini dress & stuff...) I had as good a time as anyone there, and I'm pretty sure no one cared that there was a 30 year old having a good time right along with them.

That's the beauty of a Dashboard concert. It's like this interactive experience. You don't go to watch & listen. You go to have an encounter. Even when you feel like a glowing yellow orb surrounds you highlighting your differences to the bunch, you end up melding, meshing into the community because of your common love & excitement for the music. Honestly, it was unexpected. It was unexpected because I didn't think I had it in me to "lay my armour down." But, I did. And, I'm still on cloud nine because of it. It just invigorated & restored my fondness of Dashboard Confessional & my passion for photography. Truly.

So, there's my experience. I kinda feel like I'm letting my guard down all over again just by being so forthcoming about my feelings on the subject. I feel like I'm putting my undignified self out there for all to judge. Oh well. Like I said... cloud nine. I'm still feeling good enough to push that "publish post" button. :-)

I've got lots of photos to share, too. The lighting was aboslutely horrific. It was. The bright spotlight definitely produced some DARK shadows both on his face & in the backgrounds. Unfortunately, there's nothing too terribly interesting as far as the setting goes. Maybe I shoulda used my flash, eh? ;-)

A combination of crazy high ISO & my post processing (trying to make the words stand apart from the background) created some crazy noise in this one.


How 'bout that dramatic lighting?

Here's Johnny...

See...now, on this one, I wish I'd used a flash. If for nothing more than to prove that he's looking STRAIGHT into my lens. :-) Seriously. I so wish those shadows weren't so dark.
Performing El Scorcho with Augustana & John Ralston. (Again, zoomed in... looking right into my camera.)