Do you ever feel the pressure?
Anyway, I feel like every shot I take has to be perfect. Perfect in my eyes...not necessarily according to anyone else. But, still...I feel like I have a certain standard to uphold. I have little things that I do every time I shoot & post process. I have things that define my "style" or my method of shooting, and I rarely stray from them.
Sometimes I feel like I'm trying so hard to make things fall into my expected "style" that I lose all personality, all character from the photo after all. It's high pressure. It really, really is.
I've been looking at my photos lately thinking that my daughters' expressions are just empty. I've finally broken them. They cooperate with me...standing there staring off into the space that is my lens. And, now...now I don't want that. I do, but I don't. Why can't they just happen to glance over at my camera in the midst of a good, hearty belly laugh? Things like that just don't seem to happen.
I guess we all kind of go through lulls like this no matter what our passion or hobby.
So, today we went to the zoo. I decided, "to heck with it." I'm tired of the self-inflicted pressure. I'm tired of getting lifeless photos. I'm tired of missing the moments...not just with my camera but with this mother's being because I'm fiddling with my camera trying to get the perfect shot. Sometimes I think I'm disconnected from what's going on. If I've got my camera in hand, I don't participate in & fully enjoy the little moments that make up my daughters' lives. That's pretty sad.
So, I kicked it out of manual & into aperture priority for a while. I don't know the last time I shot in AV. I raised that ap from wide open to 2.8 or 3.2. I even switched over to AI Servo for a while. These are all things that are SO not my norm. I like a particular look, I like the control I have over my shot when I'm shooting in manual. But, I just wanted to actually participate as a mom, not a photographer. I wanted the picture taking part to be less demanding, a little easier. I allowed myself to enjoy the day as a mom enjoying her children, yet I still got some shots. It was liberating, really.
I'm a total dork. I'm okay with that. It's true, though...at least for me. When you're good with the camera, life becomes significantly busier. I feel responsibility to shoot at every family function. I feel the responsibility to shoot every time we go to the zoo or whatever. If it's not a daily event, I'm shooting it. It's hard.
Today, it was all about balance. I've got to get better at that.
Here are some of my very "real," snapshotty pictures from the day.
The kiddos having some fun with dad:
Okay...here's one where I can't let it go. This shot SO could have been better. I don't know if you can tell, but there's a big ol' bear there in the background. The bear was actually standing JUST like Maya is. He was standing up against the back gate with his paws up like this just waiting for something. I SO wanted this shot, but Maya is only interested in each animal for...oh...about 2 seconds. Yeah, not enough time for me to get my aperture set. Oh well...
Quick story to set up this next set of photos. When the girls were quite a bit younger, they had crayons just like every other kid. Well, one day, I turned my back for no more than 5 minutes. Seriously. In that time, they had colored on EVERYTHING in sight. EVERYTHING. They scribbled all over the bottom half of the television screen (as far up as they could reach,) they colored on the couch, the carpet, the built in white cabinets...everything. I couldn't believe it. So, I took their crayons. I took every last one of them, and I put them in the trash. No more crayons in my house. At least for, like, a year.
Well, Maya LOVED crayons. For that year, she would pretend she had crayons anyway. She'd grab a whole fistful. She'd walk around the house with her fists clenched TIGHT. She wasn't gonna drop those suckers. So, Curt & I would have a little fun with her. We'd say, "Maya...how about a drink?" Then we'd offer her cup to her. She NEVER fell for it. Ever. She'd either put her pretend fistful of crayons down on the ground, or she'd take the cup between her clenched fists. This walking around the house carrying her crayons would go on for hours at a time. I'm serious. She'd "put them down" to use her hands for other things, then she'd pick them back up again & be on her way. I was always so amused & impressed with her dedication to her imaginative play. My family used to give me such a hard time about how deprived she was. Maybe so, but she never colored an entire ROOM in YOUR house!
Anyway, it was then that I noticed that she is committed to her imagination. The girl is so fun & creative & silly & dedicated. I just love it. So, she's obsessed with the phones at the zoo. Anywhere there's a phone, she's talking on it. It's like the moment that phone hits here ear, she's the only one around. She launches into serious sassy conversation, and she could care less that you're there. She'll go on for 5 or 10 minutes or however long you'll let her stand there. Just look at these expressions. I LOVE that she gets so into it. :-)
This picture...well...nothing special to you all, I'm sure. But, I just love it. I love these stupid little velcro shoes. I love them on Maya's chubby little legs with her rockin' little bermudas. (And, I love the word "little" when describing Maya. Ha!) For some reason, with the girls, I always associate different ages & stages in their lives with the shoes they were wearing at the time. So, when I saw her stepping back & forth between benches...well...I just wanted the shot. 
You know, I probably shouldn't blog so late. I get awfully wordy. Sorry about that.
posted by AmyC at
2:27 AM
13 Comments:
Nothing hum drum about these shots, they are truly moments captured forever. I cherish them.
These are really good, I really like Maya on the phone!
And a side note from the story of Maya and her crayons. I am Amy's cousin and Emma and Maya spent the night once while crayons were banded, well, we had them at our house so Maya was in crayon HEAVEN! That is ALL she wanted to play with it was finally time to sleep and that was fine with Maya, as long as she could hold the crayons, so of course I let her. She fell asleep with crayons in hand and still had a hold of them in the morning! LOL
POOR MAYA! (Yes, I did give Amy a hard time, but I would probably do the same thing if I had that happened) =)
I think these are lovely photos, and a change is refreshing! Instead of the technically sound photos with the posed, gazing into the lens look - they are filled with the energy and the bubbliness of your two little girls. Look at the one of Maya "worried" on the phone! You'll have plenty of time for the moody model shots, when they hit teenagehood [wink]
The posed photos are good, but sometimes it's good to take off the technical hat - look at these results! Well worth it :D
It's funny that what you think is not up to par....I think is fabulous! I think they are so much fun & it's good that they have meaning to you.....you are their mom and you should have pictures that bring you memories as well.....right?
I know what you mean about not feeling it....I've very much so felt the same way lately!
amy, you're such an indie, up and coming rockstar!
i love this style from you! you really caught them in the moment...great job! and your processing rocks just like always!
Good for you to remember to be a mom and not just a photographer! You may have all the pics but you'll never have these moments again. These shots are all still awesome as usual. The phone ones are so great with the story behind them. Thanks for reminding us to cherish our moments in person, not just behind the lens!
P.S. That crayon ban story is hilarious! That is why I love washable crayons!
I really, really like these. These are the photos you will cherish forever.
I struggle with the pressure all the time - mostly pressure I put on myself. I am not nearly as good a photographer as you...but I constantly struggle with the pressure (from myself and others) to take the PERFECT photo every single time. I find that I miss so many of the every day moments because I am focusing on taking the perfect photo. I also find I miss a lot of "mommy" moments because I have a camera stuck to my face. We are going to Disney in a month, and I have decided not to take my DSLR camera and just take my good old point and shoot camera. Sure, I'll miss some great photo ops, but I don't want to miss any Disney moments with my family. So...thanks for this journaling. It helps to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. :)
I'm not a photographer in any professional realm but I soooo get what you are saying and I treasure this post because I feel this way so many times! (although, I shoot in AV all the time, LOL!)
Thank you for sharing this!
:o)
Amy you totally inspire me- you are so talented! I LOVE the one of your girls eating ice cream :)
Yes, Yes, Yes. I agree that being both a mom and photographer is tough, instead of playing with your kids you end up watching and waiting for that perfect moment or yelling at them to look at the camera. My camera recently broke and although I had withdrawls for the first two days while it was in the shop, it was the best thing to relax and just have fun with my kids without worrying about "picture time". Thanks for writing about a struggle I too have with my kids.
I think Emma and Maya will survive the "crayon free" period of their lives :) Maya is very imaginative, I have seen that! I also love the photos of her on the phone.
I know that we, as you family, have probably added to that pressure by relying on you for great photos! Sorry about that. But... you know I never expect perfection.
The fancy camera and all the professional things that go with what you do are only a part of why you're a great photographer. You have a wonderful eye and that's the bigger part! Mom (at least that's a non-professional's point of view)
These are really great Amy!
I absolutely feel the pressure. I too am trying to capture that perfect shot that I miss most of the spontaneous beautiful memory shots. Thanks so much for sharing!
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